iWish You'd Never Forget The Look On My Face

Im depressed again.
This needs to stop.
I really wish that I could find a job. I really wish that we could give this a go...but is that what I need. I know, I want a relationship. But do I need one. I really wish that I didn't have to move back to St. Louis because I can't pay my fuckin' rent. I really wish that I could be in Aubrey's life. I would be so good to him & he would be good to me. I really wish I had guidance. I really wish that he loved me. I'd love me. Im so lost in this transit music. It is taking me somewhere. Do I want to be there? Yes. Do I belong there? Yes. Do I need to be there? No. I miss him. I wish he's come back. I fear he is running wild in NYC looking for strippers and cocain. Ha! I feel sad...a lot. I feel stressed...all the time. Sometime I wish I were a somebody. I feel like a nobody here. Like Chicago is a high end high school and Im just a wanna be, second string...ninja geek. How am I gonna be someone if I leave now. I...I get so sad here. I feel so left out. I feel so misunderstood. I feel so dreaded. I am dreadful. No one will ever know me. Fuck This Shit!